Never Forget’s blog

This is what the cut is going to look like  and instead of blound and brown, its going to be black and that color purple highlights, boy this summer is going to be fun.

This could possibly be the last time I post before the summer break begins. And for the last couple days I have done nothing but think about the last four years, Because of that I have cried more then I thought was possible. So before I leave this library and go say my final goodbyes to some of the bestest friends I’ve ever had, I am going to pour my heart out in this final blog of my junior year.

I am going to try to say the things I’ve wanted to say for so long, I was just afraid…go figure. I still don’t know quite how to do this, but I guess there is a first time for everything…. or in our case the last.

I’ve been dreading this day for a whole year not. When it finally hit me that my bestest friends are leaving and starting their own lives… without me. I know it seems kinda selfish to say that but my friends are al I have. All of them know what my life is like at home. I never told them that tough. I don’t think I’ve told them how many times they’ve saved  my life just by being kind to me and being there when I needed them the most.

Even Kasey has saved my life (believe it or not) she stopped me fom running away, she stopped me from ending up like my mother. I saw how much shit she went through with the drugs and shit. She is only nineteen and already she has been in jail twice, the mental institution, and a girls home. It didn’t help that they were all in the same year either. She set an example for me not to follow, sort of like my mother did when I figured out all the “stuff” she did behind those closed doors.

I think it’s just now hitting my mother that this summer is going to be the last summer she gets to spend with me, and she’s beginning to regret all the crap she’s done to me over the years. Hopefully she learns something from this and trys to be a better mom for the boys. It may be too late for me, but she still has a good six years with Dalton and ten years with Austin. Sure, my childhood wasn’t all that bad in her eyes, but there is a lot she didn’t see, especially the things that happened when she was drunk, of off having an affair with Roger.  She only knew the things Derek told her…mostly lies. Because of that things were blamed on me, that’s why she doesn’t trust me to make my own decisions, that’s why I don’t trust myself. It’s funny how one thing can be said and your whole future goes down the drain, I watched as mine started to disappear but  luckily I did something about it and caught before it was truly gone. I am old enough to fight back and I will… my friends gave me that strength.

They all know that I’ve been counting the days until I leave my past behind. They know I am willing to give up everything I have here, just to forget . Even them…. but the truth is I wouldn’t give them up so easily. If I did I would be graduating from Calico High school instead of Bandys. Yeah I had the chance to leave but I gave it up to see my friends off on their own journeys. I can wait another semester to leave. Nevada is not going anywhere. So I stayed, maybe get some closure before I left, but that’s not what happened. Instead I got closer to them, instead of pushing them away. Now leaving  seems impossible….yet it has to be done.

I’m starting to cry again, but this has to be said otherwise it never will.

C.j , You BLIND, HOPELESS ,FOOL!  I guess you never see anything until its blunt idly pointed out to you. so here it is…Remember last year when I told you I was in love with someone who I’ve known longer then four years? Well that someone was you, still is…. True at first I thought I loved Josh, I only put that front up because everytime I tried to tell you, you were talking about how much you were stuck up on a new girl, then when you broke up, you were always devastated and wouldn’t talk to anyone for weeks. Its still like that, I guess it always will be…

Tori, I know what I just said is shocking, but please don’t judge me for it. C.j  would gladly pick you over me, he always will. Like I said he can only see skin deep. Not that you not a good person and all but…. Forget it. there is more to be said to you. I was always jealous of you because you have what I’ve always wanted from the day I was born… a family who is always behind you. You have a mother who is going to cry when you leave, and jump for joy when you FINALLY settle down and give her, her first grand-baby. You have the things I’ve always wanted but I know now that I will never get that until I am the mother who is crying at her kid’s kindergarten graduation. Who is going to be behind her child no matter what she wants to do. But because of that I will always look up to you like an older sister, and other times look out for you. you are like a sister to me, and even tough I only knew your family for a short time, I’ve grown to love them too.  all I have to say is please don’t cry when we say our goodbyes, we may still have this summer if I end up working with you, and your welcome to kidnap me whenever I am not working. Just save the tears until that day I board that plane.

Taylor, Now I know he’ll probably never see this unless C.j  happens to show him, but I need to get this all out. Taylor, you are my big brother, even though I already have too of them. you’ve been my big brother for the past eight years, and hopefully our goodbyes are not our final ones.  You was always that person I run too if I needed a shoulder to cry on, or a hug to comfort me. sure in the last eight years you let holly get between us, but I know how much you cared for her, and that one day we would have to say our goodbyes eventually. Yes you live not even a ten minute walk down the road from me, but we are both going to be so busy trying to start our lives we won’t see each other much.  we’ll grow apart … I don’t want that to happen … out of all my friends I’ve known you the longest and grew to love you like a brother. yes, somewhere in those eight years I did want t be more but as we grew closer you became such a valuable friend, I didn’t want to ruin it . I remember all those nights we stayed up playing god knows how many video games, or our walks to wherever talking about whatever weird crap we encountered that day, or how many tacos you and C.j  could scarf down in ten minutes. XD I never had to think about what I was saying around you, I never really mattered. You were always behind me a hundred percent. You were the rock that held me in place, the O’ ring when I felt ike I was drowning, and the strength I needed when mine failed to show. Especially when C.j  and Bulldog Bitch were dating. You were the person who held me back when I wanted to kill her. you have to promise one thing though. Make Kaitlyn be a mom to Emmire. I don’t want that child to grow up like me, thinking that her mom regrets her everyday of her life. She deserves more. I know it will be hard but trust me Emmire and Kay will be better off for it.

Timmy, we’ve only known each other for two years now? And I can truly say you are my Spastic little brother I will always look out for. You learned you don’r have to hide anything from me that day in French class you told me you were… I am not the kind of person who blurts that out on the internet, but you had no reason to run out that door like the hounds of hell were after you. to tell you the truth I already knew, Curtis told me, I just wanted to hear it from you. you know how Roomers are in our school. Anyways we still have one semester together, lets fill it with good memories, hopefully more from French class. LoL. If you ever get into trouble just call me and I will fly back to get you out of it…. then kill your ass for getting into trouble X D .

And finally Becca.

We’ve known each other since the eighth grade. from the first day we met we hit it off. Sure we had our fights…(always about some guy) but in the end we always forgave each other. You’ll go far in life, in whatever profession you choose. All I have to say is goodluck and believe in yourself, even if others don’t. that last sentence goes for who ever reads this, always believe in yourself, no matter what. And always know you have friends backing your every decision… no matter how dumb it may seem.   

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

How would you like to be remembered?
Submitted by Paulha66.

how would I want to be Remembered? I want to be remembered as the crazy, Random Person everyone either loves or hates. there is no in between. I want to be remembered as the person who always cared, who always listened to you, even if my problems were already weighing me down. I want to be remembered as the person you could always depend on....

Better yet I just want to be Remembered.    

Je suis vraiment ennuyé et j'ai envie de poster en français. je suis actuellement en français quatre et je suis toujours pas très bon à lui donc si les gens de Freanch lisent ceci je suis désolé si je vous offense en postant très mal. Son pas mon tombé à begain avec, blâmer le professeur. ..Better blâme pourtant le système d'école. lol à partir d'hors je babillerai juste et ferai des déclarations simples va de l'avant si et liquide si vous voulez...

J'ai seize ans... je serai dix-sept dans Aout. J'aime lire. ..alot! J'AIME les jeux vidéos, et la natation, et les animaux. Et je pense que je suis fait essayer !

Please Don’t Cry

Fond memories of 2006-2008

Dedicated to C.j , Tori, Timmy, and Curtis.

Since graduation is not too far away for any of us, I’ve started to think aback on all the things we have done in the last two years. Why the last two years? Well because in the last two years I have met people and experienced things that will stay with me always. Some may be a little earlier then the last two years but they are the most…. Memorable Memories, some funny, some are tear jerkers, and some you just had to be there to get what I am talking about. So here are the best of the best of my memories… (This may be a long vox.) XD

Timmy

I think I’ll start with French class with Mm. Staples. Timmy you remember these don’t you? its how we met. Actually if you remember the class decided to rude and obnoxious, and didn’t want to shut up so you took it upon yourself to yell “SHUT-UP!!!!!!” every one got quiet even Mm. Staples, and looked at you in disbelief. Here we are in this class filled with Dumb Jocks, Preppy Pageant Queens, and then there were us, the weirdos who consisted of me, you, Paul, Charity, and Ramie. Out of all of us you were the quietest, we so did not expect you to do that. I coulden’t help but laugh a the class’ dumbfounded faces, you just laughed along with me…. then there was the semester we had Brian Moore and Chet Sigmon in the class with us… do you remember this HUTT?  Given I can’t put in the thick country accent Brian has but I think I got the point across. Brian was trying to say Huit, which is the French for eight, during a game of Memory. Or when he said des-nuts for dix-neuf. I swear every time we came out of that class out sides would be hurting for laughing so hard at the two class idiots, especially when they did the shopping skit where Chet was brains hands, and Brian had a very bad French accent, or when they accidentally hit Mm. Staples in the eye with a plastic hotdog. O. 0

Then there was the time I yelled TIMMMMMMY!!!!!! ( south park voice) down the hall and everyone turned to look at me and you just smiled and waved.

Curtis

Not all my memories involve Timmy. I remember when I was first introduced to Screamo/Emo Music by a sophomore named Curtis Smith.  I have to say, when I first met Curtis I though he was a fruit cake. I think everyone did, the way he acted and all. but when we found out we had foods together, I was proven wrong. Especially when the freshman girls where practically throwing themselves at him. What could you expect with this moderately hott Emo TRYING to cook?  If you ever want a good perverted joke he is the person to go to, everything you say he could probably turn t around to make it dirty, (he had some help from me).  He was my inspiration to start drawing again, given it wasn’t very good, but I had fun with it, and the Music? Well I am listening to Atreyu right now, if that tells you anything.

Tori

Then there is Tori….. we’ve had our ups and downs, most of the ones I remember are the downs. Partially because they hurt so much, but there was some good times too. With you and your endless amounts of B/F and me threatening them at least once.   And then there was that thing with Beci ( not going there).  There was also the mall trip we had, and watching you squirm when you got your nails done. And there was the Endless MONKEYS! And the constant advise that helped me through a lot of crap. I only wish I could have helped you out a little more.

     C.j 

Then Finally Shroom A.K.A C.j . We’ve had a lot of memories haven’t we? From the bus days to last semester’s Psychology class. I could tell you everything…. almost everything.  As I think now I can think of a lot of things I couldn’t tell you, things we chose not to talk about, one of those things being our pasts. We were always pretty combatable around each other, why that was I have no idea. I don’t know any guy who has brought me to tears more then you have, especially in this year. Even as I  type this I am close to breaking down.  The thought of not being able to see you everyday is killing me.  Not being able to hear you laugh at my stupidity, or my MANY spelling mistakes, or play the stupid games we played on the bus, like Paper balls down the shirt, or the weird games of footsy, or how many times I could make you cringe by making you picture Kasey in a bathing suit  ( on a trampoline) .  This is how I will always remember you: 

Cj

You and those damn 

Twizzlers.

I don’t Know how many times I wanted to strangle you for not looking right in front of you.  You kept saying how much you wanted someone to love you, really love you, yet you could never look past the bimbos (no offence tori).  I think that’s what hurt me the most. Watching you go from girl to girl, watching as  your heart got ripped out and trampled on. I was always there, no matter how hard you pushed me away. you have to had known that.  You are the one who inspired me to write, the very first one who accepted me for me.  Even before Taylor. 

I can still remember very vividly the day we began to talk.  It was my seventh grade year. The school had been on a two hour delay, but they didn’t put it on the news until around seven o’clock and everyone was at the bus stop. After about a half an hour, everyone stated to go home.  Instead of going home I went to Taylors’ to see if they had herd anything, and you stopped me and asked me to tell Tay to bring back one of your  videogames.  It kinda caught me offhand, because I didn’t even know you could talk, better yet know one of my best friends.  how we became as good friends as we are today I don’t quiet remember. I hope you look back, if not now, maybe in five years, if you still remember me.  I hope you see what I am talking about, but I doubt you will,  you don’t have that knack of looking past the obvious.  I better go now, computers aren’t water proof.

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Can't you tell i am bored?

most people who know me, know i have a uniqe name... one full of history I  have yet to unlock . I've always wondered about where My family origionally came from. and if i have any blood realitives i don't know about.. so this summer i am going to try to find my ancestory, maybe...

Things seem to be looking up for me. Everyone at home has come to accept that I am moving out the day I get that diploma in my hand. I still have to find a way of contacting my uncle, and hope to god I can get a job this summer. I am beginning to realize if I want to get out of here so bad I have to do it alone, I am not going to rely on anyone because somehow if I do depend on them I am always disappointed. I think I am going to start getting rid of the stuff I don’t need. I’ll start that  here in the next couple days. And hopefully here in the next few months I’ll have my book out. I am not quite sure which book I want to publish but I am going to publish one before I leave this state, at least leave something behind for my friends to remember me by.

        I really want publish The Blood Slipper for the sake of Timmy who has turned out to be my dearest friend these past couple of years. I am really going to miss him once I leave, but out of all my friends he is the only one I am probably stay in contact with from this damn state. I am so ready to leave my past behind me and move on to the uncertain future. I was planning to move out there with my Boyfriend but the way things are going now I highly doubt we’ll make it to the summer. It’s not that he did anything wrong. Its just what I thought I felt for him has left completely. I think I am better off single in the first place, its so much easier that way. I don’t know what I want in a guy. All I know is that I want out of the life I am in now. That means leaving behind the things that will always remind me of the hell I’ve been through.

        I’ll probably regret posing this, knowing my luck this will be the only blog Henry reads, and before I get to say anything to him. But if that happens I am fully prepared for some kind of fight. Its just something that has to happen. Well I think he is pulling up with David so I had better go.